Mobile Production

This is just a brief description of the processes involved in creating content on a mobile phone. Producing something completely from a mobile phone and transfering it to the internet can be more troublesome than many would believe, though not really difficult there is a lot of problems which can arise.

The first of these is an idea, crucial but not always easy to come by. The next is putting the idea into practice, can also be more difficult than anticipated, but the real problem came with getting a photo online. I know it sounds simple but when the cord your phone uses is nowhere to be found it gets hard. I tried bluetoothing it to Vincent who has a cool phone that automatically transfers photos to the net, but no that wouldn't work either. How can bluetooth not work? Well it happens and it blows. After that things got considerably easier, deciding to simply do it at home and email the photo.

As for economic issues, not so important for this kind of content except in terms of ease. It would be much easier for Vincent with his superior phone, but the prescence of a camera is about it, and everyone has them anyway. Personalisation of your phone can also be important in content production, just for ease again. The better knowledge of your phone, the better the content you will produce.

Vote or Die!

The foundation of democracy as expressed through Puff Daddy's South Park doppleganger.

At the very least he stays on topic.

Commando: The 80's at its Best

What do you think of when 80's action films come up? Most likely a cheesy soundtrack, bulging muscles, armies of enemies, bad one-liners and dogy bad guys, and the movie which most perfectly encapsulates all these things is Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando.

The soundtrack for Commando was created specifically and sounds like a dodgy porno, but hey, it's the 80's! It also includes an epic 14 minute track called Infiltration, Showdown and Finale. Brilliant. Then for the bulging muscles, Schwarzenegger throwing a phone booth. Need I say more.

Now when most movies boast an 'army of enemies', they don't really mean it, there's just a lot of bad guys (see Cobra). Not Commando, the titular character, boasting the greatest character name of all time: Col. John Matrix, literally takes on an army. The private army with which the head honcho is planning to overthrow the President of the fictional South American country, Val Verde, is dispatched with ease by Matrix who uses 7 types of guns, grenades, kinives, machetes, axes, pitchforks, a steel pipe, furnace door, circular saw blades and the coup de gras of a multi-shot rocket launcher. The extensive arsenal is yet another feature of the 80's action film.


Bad one-liners doesn't take too much explaining, so I'll give you examples:
After killing a guy on a plane he puts a blanket and hat on him and warns the stewardess "Don't wake my friend, he's dead tired."
After impaling his arch nemesis with a pipe which releases steam, "Let off some steam, Bennett."
There's a hell of a lot more too.

Now I mentioned him a little earlier, but the main bad guy, no not the Presedential hopeful, but Bennett is one dodgy dirtbag. All you need to see is his manic expression when facing off with Matrix and his gisgraceful outfit, now I don't pretend to know anything about fashion but it is simply ludicrous.

There's a lot more 80's cliches like some obligatory nudity, baddies that can't aim a gun, a ridiculously outlandish sequence of events leading to the climax and a feisty love-interest. I must also point out the rampant homo-eroticism (I'm looking at you speedo scene), which is as much a part of the 80's as shoulder pads (really, think about Top Gun). All this amounts to a big ball of cheese, but damn is it fun. Whether or not you like it, there is no doubting that Commando epitomises the 'genre' of the 80's action film.

Running Man Quotes

If you have seen The Running Man then you will remember it for having some of Arnold Schwarzenegger's funniest one liners. The following video has a couple of his best, though it is not an exhaustive list, so if your yet to see it there is plenty more. Don't be put off by the start of the video, it's just to set the scene.

The spine bit kills me.

The Wisdom of Steven Seagal

I know, it sounds weird right? But in his 1994 movie On Deadly Ground, Seagal makes a pretty convicing speech against oil and pro Earth well before it became such a widely debated issue, or Al Gore got in on it.

Yeah, you got a different opinion about the 'Mercenary for Justice' now don't you.

Van Damme Dancing

This is the aforementioned scene of Jean-Claude Van Damme dancing whilst very drunk in Kickboxer.

Funniest shit ever!

Review: WALL-E

When a company like Pixar, which has had an unending string of successes, it would be tempting to create more movies using the same template, yet this is exactly what Pixar has avoided. Who would possibly consider making an entire film about the last sentient being on Earth, a trash compating robot, and targeting it at kids?

Despite having an unusual central conceit, Director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, A Bug's Life) has been able to create a wondrous character as well as some beautiful scenery in its own right. From the very beginning, in which towers of compacted rubbish are seen piled high into the sky, the depiction of Earth is as bleakly dystopic as any 'adult' sci-fi could hope for.

The star of this show is quite clearly WALL-E, a persistent little robot with an amazing depth of personality somehow inscribed in his 'face', albeit being devoid of any characteristics usually associated with movie robots. In an amazing feat which must be commended, Stanton is able to keep the viewer thoroughly entertained, despite the only spoken words in the opening third coming from a VHS of Hello Dolly. Along with this he only ever has a dialogue of three words, with the rest of his communication done through beeps and whizzes (provided brilliantly by Ben Burtt who was behind R2-D2), and has a cockroach for a best friend.

When the narrative kicks off, love ensues for the hapless hero and the future of mankind is on the line. Humans have long since abandoned the Earth after the ubiquitous Buy 'N Large company destroyed the environment and whisked everyone away on the Axiom, a colossal spaceship. B'NL has provided robots for every job and people are all fat and lazy, a vision of the future which is terrifying for its plausability. It is also when WALL-E reaches the Axiom that the movie falters just slightly, getting a little entrenched in the humans who are, ironically, less human that our robotic hero.

Along the way there are many subtle references to classic sci-fi films like 2001 and Silent Running all of which create good moments for adults while children will find cleaner M-O hilarious. The funniest sequences are those of WALL-E living on his own in the wasteland of Earth and discovering uses for human left-overs.

WALL-E is not a brilliant childrens movie, it is a brilliant movie. It needs not be restrained to a genre to excell, but succeeds on all levels.

10/10

Les Grossman Rocks!!!

Anyone who has seen Tropic Thunder knows what I'm talking about. Single greatest performance of Tom Cruise's career including Born on the Fourth of July, A Few Good Men and yes, I'm counting Top Gun. To anyone yet to see TT, Les Grossman is all the reason you need. Classic lines and the best dancing scene in a movie since Van Damme in Kickboxer. You will not be disappointed.

"I knoowwww.... you want the goodies!"

Review: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

When the first Hellboy was released it was to a relatively small audience in comparison to other comic book movies, but for the big, red, relatively unknown superhero there was enough potential to grab a sequel.

With the first movie, and comics in mind, the plot seems perfect: a rebellion by mythical creatures to overthrow humanities rule using the titular army. It is reminiscent of many stories within the comics but has a more grandiose scope, yet retaining the intimate focus on Hellboy and his companions.

Ron Perlman again shows why no-one else could play Hellboy and Selma Blair is just as impressive as the slightly less depressed Liz, but Abe Sapien is where the troubles begin. While Doug Jones reprises his role as the visage for Abe, he also takes over the voicing duties from David Hyde Pierce, but misses the mark just slightly. His love story with Princess Nuala (Anna Walton) is touching, if a little under-developed, but Luke Goss' Prince Nuada is the true star of the sequel. His on-screen prescence is electrifying and the film seemed to pick up every time he had a role to play.

Director Guillermo Del Toro utilises CGI sparingly, preferring stunt work and elaborate costumes and animatronics to bring his creatures to life and it pays dividends, with the troll market being particularly mesmerising. Complimenting this is the cinematography of Del Toro's long time collaborator, Guillermo Navarro who creates enchanting beauty with some sparse or rather dreary scenery.

Despite some dialogue which seemed a little off, the movie showed Hellboy as the brawler he is supposed to be (the fight with Wink in particular), and went more in depth with his duelling duty and purpose, getting to the heart of the character, despite focusing less on the Right Hand of Doom.

While not perfect, there is much to be enjoyed in this unique comic book adaptation, including Barry Manilow.

8/10

Besson's Middling Crap

To be blunt, this is mainly the films released almost solely in Besson's native France, such as Banlieue 13, the Taxi sequels (including the American remake) and Angel-A, a romantic comedy. I don't want to go into great detail on these because they don't deserve it, but I will say that Bandidas and, more importantly, Revolver are decent movies but not anything great.

The worst movie to-date is his horrific foray into animation: Arthur and the Invisibles. This is for the heinous crime of putting Madonna an David Bowie in the same movie and so close to Bowie's terrific effort in The Prestige. Along with this, it is one of the few movies that Besson chose to direct, making it all the more dissapointing.

Another major dissapointment was Transporter 2, which made the original seem just that little bit worse. Then the news that there will be a Transporter 3, that just rubbed it in but who knows, maybe the franchise can be redeemed, but from the look of the Taxi sequels I really doubt it.

I end today by saying that Unleashed was awesome and Taken shows that Besson may just be back to his best.