Second Life

Straight up I just don't understand Second Life. It doesn't make sense to me what the attraction is, except maybe the flying because that kicks arse, but aside from this it's just pretending to live. I could be wrong, and from the amount who use it this is highly likely, but still not a fan. Either way I was able to bring it down to some extent.

Firstly, the uni's IP wouldn't let me make an account so there was sharing. Then we got logged out for no reason. Then we somehow got stuck underground, so much for the solid walls and Earth. Then we got stuck in a morgue's cooler. Second Life sucks.

After all these eventful happenings we found ourselves at a strip joint where a guy gave us $50 to help us out. That was a little freaky, so we left. This is how we got to the morgue. There we performed a semi-autopsy and met an EMT. That was even weirder so we flew away. The only good thing about the whole place. That and the pirate ship. Thats just cool.


This is one of the tamer images in the autopsy room.

In summation; Second Life sucks and it freaks me out, but I'm weird like that.

Torture Torquemada Style

This is a video from Mel Brooks' film History of the World: Part I, and is essentially the entire Spanish Inquisition condensed into an 8-minute song and dance. Quite possibly Mel Brooks' best musical number (I know it's a big call, but this shit's funny), the water torture in particular and that there is no warning that a song is going to start is pretty damn funny.

The pokie machines are pretty awesome and Orson Welles adds a touch of class with the voice-over.

Mobile Production

This is just a brief description of the processes involved in creating content on a mobile phone. Producing something completely from a mobile phone and transfering it to the internet can be more troublesome than many would believe, though not really difficult there is a lot of problems which can arise.

The first of these is an idea, crucial but not always easy to come by. The next is putting the idea into practice, can also be more difficult than anticipated, but the real problem came with getting a photo online. I know it sounds simple but when the cord your phone uses is nowhere to be found it gets hard. I tried bluetoothing it to Vincent who has a cool phone that automatically transfers photos to the net, but no that wouldn't work either. How can bluetooth not work? Well it happens and it blows. After that things got considerably easier, deciding to simply do it at home and email the photo.

As for economic issues, not so important for this kind of content except in terms of ease. It would be much easier for Vincent with his superior phone, but the prescence of a camera is about it, and everyone has them anyway. Personalisation of your phone can also be important in content production, just for ease again. The better knowledge of your phone, the better the content you will produce.

Vote or Die!

The foundation of democracy as expressed through Puff Daddy's South Park doppleganger.

At the very least he stays on topic.

Commando: The 80's at its Best

What do you think of when 80's action films come up? Most likely a cheesy soundtrack, bulging muscles, armies of enemies, bad one-liners and dogy bad guys, and the movie which most perfectly encapsulates all these things is Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando.

The soundtrack for Commando was created specifically and sounds like a dodgy porno, but hey, it's the 80's! It also includes an epic 14 minute track called Infiltration, Showdown and Finale. Brilliant. Then for the bulging muscles, Schwarzenegger throwing a phone booth. Need I say more.

Now when most movies boast an 'army of enemies', they don't really mean it, there's just a lot of bad guys (see Cobra). Not Commando, the titular character, boasting the greatest character name of all time: Col. John Matrix, literally takes on an army. The private army with which the head honcho is planning to overthrow the President of the fictional South American country, Val Verde, is dispatched with ease by Matrix who uses 7 types of guns, grenades, kinives, machetes, axes, pitchforks, a steel pipe, furnace door, circular saw blades and the coup de gras of a multi-shot rocket launcher. The extensive arsenal is yet another feature of the 80's action film.


Bad one-liners doesn't take too much explaining, so I'll give you examples:
After killing a guy on a plane he puts a blanket and hat on him and warns the stewardess "Don't wake my friend, he's dead tired."
After impaling his arch nemesis with a pipe which releases steam, "Let off some steam, Bennett."
There's a hell of a lot more too.

Now I mentioned him a little earlier, but the main bad guy, no not the Presedential hopeful, but Bennett is one dodgy dirtbag. All you need to see is his manic expression when facing off with Matrix and his gisgraceful outfit, now I don't pretend to know anything about fashion but it is simply ludicrous.

There's a lot more 80's cliches like some obligatory nudity, baddies that can't aim a gun, a ridiculously outlandish sequence of events leading to the climax and a feisty love-interest. I must also point out the rampant homo-eroticism (I'm looking at you speedo scene), which is as much a part of the 80's as shoulder pads (really, think about Top Gun). All this amounts to a big ball of cheese, but damn is it fun. Whether or not you like it, there is no doubting that Commando epitomises the 'genre' of the 80's action film.

Running Man Quotes

If you have seen The Running Man then you will remember it for having some of Arnold Schwarzenegger's funniest one liners. The following video has a couple of his best, though it is not an exhaustive list, so if your yet to see it there is plenty more. Don't be put off by the start of the video, it's just to set the scene.

The spine bit kills me.

The Wisdom of Steven Seagal

I know, it sounds weird right? But in his 1994 movie On Deadly Ground, Seagal makes a pretty convicing speech against oil and pro Earth well before it became such a widely debated issue, or Al Gore got in on it.

Yeah, you got a different opinion about the 'Mercenary for Justice' now don't you.

Van Damme Dancing

This is the aforementioned scene of Jean-Claude Van Damme dancing whilst very drunk in Kickboxer.

Funniest shit ever!

Review: WALL-E

When a company like Pixar, which has had an unending string of successes, it would be tempting to create more movies using the same template, yet this is exactly what Pixar has avoided. Who would possibly consider making an entire film about the last sentient being on Earth, a trash compating robot, and targeting it at kids?

Despite having an unusual central conceit, Director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, A Bug's Life) has been able to create a wondrous character as well as some beautiful scenery in its own right. From the very beginning, in which towers of compacted rubbish are seen piled high into the sky, the depiction of Earth is as bleakly dystopic as any 'adult' sci-fi could hope for.

The star of this show is quite clearly WALL-E, a persistent little robot with an amazing depth of personality somehow inscribed in his 'face', albeit being devoid of any characteristics usually associated with movie robots. In an amazing feat which must be commended, Stanton is able to keep the viewer thoroughly entertained, despite the only spoken words in the opening third coming from a VHS of Hello Dolly. Along with this he only ever has a dialogue of three words, with the rest of his communication done through beeps and whizzes (provided brilliantly by Ben Burtt who was behind R2-D2), and has a cockroach for a best friend.

When the narrative kicks off, love ensues for the hapless hero and the future of mankind is on the line. Humans have long since abandoned the Earth after the ubiquitous Buy 'N Large company destroyed the environment and whisked everyone away on the Axiom, a colossal spaceship. B'NL has provided robots for every job and people are all fat and lazy, a vision of the future which is terrifying for its plausability. It is also when WALL-E reaches the Axiom that the movie falters just slightly, getting a little entrenched in the humans who are, ironically, less human that our robotic hero.

Along the way there are many subtle references to classic sci-fi films like 2001 and Silent Running all of which create good moments for adults while children will find cleaner M-O hilarious. The funniest sequences are those of WALL-E living on his own in the wasteland of Earth and discovering uses for human left-overs.

WALL-E is not a brilliant childrens movie, it is a brilliant movie. It needs not be restrained to a genre to excell, but succeeds on all levels.

10/10

Les Grossman Rocks!!!

Anyone who has seen Tropic Thunder knows what I'm talking about. Single greatest performance of Tom Cruise's career including Born on the Fourth of July, A Few Good Men and yes, I'm counting Top Gun. To anyone yet to see TT, Les Grossman is all the reason you need. Classic lines and the best dancing scene in a movie since Van Damme in Kickboxer. You will not be disappointed.

"I knoowwww.... you want the goodies!"

Review: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

When the first Hellboy was released it was to a relatively small audience in comparison to other comic book movies, but for the big, red, relatively unknown superhero there was enough potential to grab a sequel.

With the first movie, and comics in mind, the plot seems perfect: a rebellion by mythical creatures to overthrow humanities rule using the titular army. It is reminiscent of many stories within the comics but has a more grandiose scope, yet retaining the intimate focus on Hellboy and his companions.

Ron Perlman again shows why no-one else could play Hellboy and Selma Blair is just as impressive as the slightly less depressed Liz, but Abe Sapien is where the troubles begin. While Doug Jones reprises his role as the visage for Abe, he also takes over the voicing duties from David Hyde Pierce, but misses the mark just slightly. His love story with Princess Nuala (Anna Walton) is touching, if a little under-developed, but Luke Goss' Prince Nuada is the true star of the sequel. His on-screen prescence is electrifying and the film seemed to pick up every time he had a role to play.

Director Guillermo Del Toro utilises CGI sparingly, preferring stunt work and elaborate costumes and animatronics to bring his creatures to life and it pays dividends, with the troll market being particularly mesmerising. Complimenting this is the cinematography of Del Toro's long time collaborator, Guillermo Navarro who creates enchanting beauty with some sparse or rather dreary scenery.

Despite some dialogue which seemed a little off, the movie showed Hellboy as the brawler he is supposed to be (the fight with Wink in particular), and went more in depth with his duelling duty and purpose, getting to the heart of the character, despite focusing less on the Right Hand of Doom.

While not perfect, there is much to be enjoyed in this unique comic book adaptation, including Barry Manilow.

8/10

Besson's Middling Crap

To be blunt, this is mainly the films released almost solely in Besson's native France, such as Banlieue 13, the Taxi sequels (including the American remake) and Angel-A, a romantic comedy. I don't want to go into great detail on these because they don't deserve it, but I will say that Bandidas and, more importantly, Revolver are decent movies but not anything great.

The worst movie to-date is his horrific foray into animation: Arthur and the Invisibles. This is for the heinous crime of putting Madonna an David Bowie in the same movie and so close to Bowie's terrific effort in The Prestige. Along with this, it is one of the few movies that Besson chose to direct, making it all the more dissapointing.

Another major dissapointment was Transporter 2, which made the original seem just that little bit worse. Then the news that there will be a Transporter 3, that just rubbed it in but who knows, maybe the franchise can be redeemed, but from the look of the Taxi sequels I really doubt it.

I end today by saying that Unleashed was awesome and Taken shows that Besson may just be back to his best.

The Fifth Element and The Transporter

The title may already suggest this, but I'll tell you anyway. Today I am going further into the works of Luc Besson with his only foray into sci-fi (and first script co-written by Robert Mark Kamen, who will become a long-time collaborator), The Fifth Element, and his more typical, The Transporter, both of which are excellent action films.

Many, and I can see why, are unable to appreciate the outlandish plot in The Fifth Element and it stops their enjoyment of the film, however the plot is irrelevent as the movie propels into a full-on space parody. While it begins with a prologue that would fit easily with any conventional sci-fi, TFE soon shows it's true colours quite literally with a visual assault of a futuristic world which encompasses many facets found in dystopias, but extended to the ridiculous.

More now on the archetype's which Besson creates, which you wil remember includes the strong woman and restrained hero. As far as the strong woman in concerned, the eponymous Leeloo is the saviour of mankind and performs moves that would make Bruce Lee proud. The main focus, however, is on Korben Dallas who is predominantly reserved, but not too the same extent as some of Besson's other heroes. This is due to Bruce Willis' natural charisma shining through and making the character more relatable as a sci-fi saviour. I must make mention of Chris Tucker's only role in which his abnoxious personality is an asset: Ruby Rhod, the hyperactive, sex-crazed radio host.

Next is the transporter which I have included mainly for the titular character played very capably by Jason Statham, and is a symbol of everything Besson's leads stand for: someone less than legal, yet with a strong code of ethics. This is admittedly a much weaker effort than some of Besson's other work, with a reasonably soft plot, but Statham's Frank Martin is the saving grace.

Along with, or possibly because of, Statham the action sequences are astounding in their originality and sheer scale, something which is expected from a Besson film. The bike pedals in oil scene, the bus fight and the car chases are examples of this. There is a lot left to be desired though, particularly the cheesy bad guy with a lack lustre sinister plan, however Francois Berleand's Inspector Tarconi is competent as a side-kick of sorts.

That's all I have for this time, but there will be more soon.

The Best and Worst of Luc Besson

While not a household name, Luc Besson is one of the best action writers in film. To his credit he has movies such as La Femme Nikita, Leon, The Fifth Element, The Transporter and Unleashed. The next few posts are inspired by the release of his latest flick, Taken, and will be part discussion, part criticism and a whole lot of unashamed praise. My first installment will begin with La Femme Nikita and Leon, before progressing to some of his other work soon.

Starting with his breakout film, La Femme Nikita, and the remake, The Assassin, Besson established many of the themes and character traits which would be prevolent in his later work, including strong female characters such as in Joan of Arc, Leon and The Fifth Element. The other themes are quite simple, mainly sticking to revenge, and this consistency of message has held him in good stead. As for character, Nikita (then Maggie) is an assassin, as are many of his leads, in one way or another. However the remarkable thing that echoes through his assassins is their quiet, methodical approach to what they do. What makes the films classic is what he does with these enigmatic characters. With Nikita Besson is able to begin what he masters in Leon, the character is complex and reluctant, having no desire to kill, but unable to stop. She is simultaneously brutal and emotional, yet retaining the viewers sympathy throughout.

Besson's unquestionably iconic, and one of the most perfectly constructed action films in history, is Leon (The Professional outside of France), an all-out actioner with an emotional core in the relationship between titular character (played brilliantly by Jean Reno) and an abused 12 year-old girl, Mathilda (Natalie Portman in her first role). I will control my praise for this film as it is quite simply brilliant, but focus on his emerging tradition of theme and character. While revenge is always Besson's central conceit, it is an ever changing form and an ongoing thesis on the catharthis of the act. Leon is seeking revenge for newly orphaned and homeless Mathilda, and redemption for a life of sin as a "cleaner". How does he get this? By doing what he knows and teaching Mathilda to do the same. It may seem strange but behind it all is a loving and kind man who is starved for affection caring for the closest thing he has to a friend. It is a rare thing to find a character who vocalizes so little, yet says so much, but in Leon this trait serves only to intrigue the viewer into compassion and adoration, all the while racking up a body count in the hundreds.

This could not be complete without a mention of Gary Oldman as the crooked, and homicidal, DEA agent Stansfield. It is by far Oldman's best performance as he manages to inspire the hatred of the audience and a mesmerized awe. Stansfield is ruthless, callous and most frighteningly, above the law. What resonates most is his musings about classical music whilst slaughtering a family and his crazed reaction to amphetamines. His obsessive nature slowly builds to a brutal conclusion and is shown to be the antithesis of Leon's restrained lifestyle.

This is all for now, but next time I will focus on The Fifth Element and The Transporter.

This is Just Kinda Awesome

Frisky Dingo and Digital Communication

While I am well aware that, not only do these two phrases not seem coherent, they may very well not make any sense at all. This aside I assure you it will all become clear.

I will begin with an introduction. Frisky Dingo is an animated television show about a supervillain, Killface, trying to destroy the Earth with the Annihilatrix, but struggling with PR. Calm down, I know it's confusing but there's more. I recently spent a night watching the first series and, other than laughing my ass off, I was drawn to the similarities between this serial and my digital communication class, specifically the web based contribution. Still not getting it I'm sure but just wait.

Much like Killface, I know what I want: a functioning web page. A little more modest I admit but I don't have a spare $20 billion. It is also the little things that have beem hampering my success, such as HTML and layout worries. Just as Killface performs 30-odd takes of his commercial, I re-write or alter everything at least 5 times trying to get it just right. Hopefully I can escape resorting to a post-card.

Now to the enemies. I have HTML, Killface has Awesome-X. They are also quite similar despite one being a billionaire playboy, and the other simply code. While I refer to HTML as an enemy, it is very often a necessary part of any function online, something that is a staple dynamic in the superhero/supervillain relationship, and furthered in Frisky Dingo by Awesome-X assisting Killface under the guise of Barnaby Jones.

Then again if my plans go awry, I may just change tack altogether and run for President on the grounds I stopped Global Warming, but not until season 2.